I started to think about my own symptoms when my kids were young and having some issues. That was about 20 years ago. I picked up the book “Driven to Distraction” and had that jaw dropping experience as the book talked about adults with ADHD. Oh no. That might be me.
Off to the doctor I went. I was fortunate to have a family doctor who was receptive to the questions I had and was agreeable to begin medical treatment. As I remember, he started me on a non-stimulant medication called Strattera. I don’t remember a lot about whether it helped or didn’t help, but I didn’t follow up with any kind of counseling or education about what having ADHD meant. I thought taking a prescription every day was the answer. As you might imagine, I didn’t make much progress. I honestly thought that taking that pill every day was all I needed to treat ADHD. I didn’t finish reading the book, because reading was very overwhelming to me. (not uncommon for ADHD).
Internet and audible books were not a thing, so my progress was, well, distracted.
At that point, we had been married for about 12 years and had 4 kids ages 10 and under. I was working a job about 45 minutes from home, 3-4 days a week. I had been struggling with bouts of anxiety and depression and now our son was struggling. I tried my best to help him and deal with my own issues. It was heartbreaking to watch my child struggle, and he was my priority.
Suffice it to say, my own treatment of ADHD was inconsistent and sporadic. This is not uncommon, especially for women who are dealing with family, work, managing a household, etc. Moms, in particular, tend to put the needs of their kids first. Truthfully, there isn’t enough time or energy left to solve all the mysteries of the mommy brain. So mom is put on hold.
What if I had known how to manage my ADHD? What if I had been given resources and information? What if my doctor had told me that medication is only a small piece of ADHD treatment, and that I would not progress without coaching or counseling?
I could have understood the depression and anxiety. I could have been more patient with myself. I could have made better financial decisions and been a better wife and mother. I would have, could have, should have….If only I could go back and have a do-over with the knowledge that I have now.
But I can’t, and neither can you. So the question is, what will I do now? Lament? Regret? Replay memory after memory and grieve over things I cannot bring back? Not a good plan. Life is too precious today to spend it on yesterday.
I have to start from where I am right now and move forward. I can look at the future with excitement knowing that my toolbox now has actual working tools in it! I don’t have to use a butter knife as a screwdriver! I can use past experiences to have better future experiences! Yeah! I can walk more confidently into the world knowing that I do not need to be ashamed. I am Elaine. I am not ADHD, but ADHD is a part of me. It doesn’t define who I am, but it is part of my DNA.
I will proudly say, right now, that I would not change my DNA, because it would change who God created me to be, and that is good. Wow! I think I need to repeat that again. I, Elaine, accept who God created me to be, in its wholeness and entirety. I will strive to stop asking God to take away any parts of me, but I will ask him to help me use all of me for His glory.
I am incapable of telling you how that makes my heart feel right now.
How do you feel about your parts? Are you struggling with accepting which parts God chose to create you? Have you felt frustrated, angry or disappointed? Have you compared yourself to others and felt inferior?
Take a deep breath with me. You can do this. If you are struggling with your ADHD, or if you think you might have ADHD, you can find great tools for your toolbox. I am going to share some great resources with you. It is a daily journey, but it is a worthwhile one. God will help give you strength, but you have to be willing to learn and put effort into the process. You also need some fellow travelers who can help guide and support you. If you can connect with someone who has ADHD or who counsels or coaches people with ADHD, it will be immensely helpful.
I’m walking that way too, maybe we can walk together,
Elaine
I wanted to have dark hair and brown eyes. I sat in front of the mirror and closed my eyes, wishing that God would reach down and reconsider his choices. I was probably 6 or 7.
Elaine