Over a year ago, I was excited to start a blog, a place where I could write about my own experience with ADHD. Over a year ago, I had high hopes that this blog could actually help other people, and it would be therapeutic to me as well.
I have been unsuccessful, or at least that is my opinion today. As I sit here on the last day of 2022, I have that “end of the year” feeling. This year has not been terrible. It was definitely better than the last 2 years with covid and all of its uncertainties. I really don’t have specific words to describe or sum it up. I think it was a year of seed planting.
I was hoping for more, especially with this new endeavor and my own personal growth. I certainly didn’t think I would avoid writing here all year. What am I avoiding? Why put so much effort into a project, and then not even bother with it for a year?
I am stuck. Or maybe not.
Have you ever been stuck? Not really moving backwards, certainly not moving forward, seeing the world move around but not knowing exactly where you fit in that movement.
I think about getting my shoes stuck in the mud. So stuck, that the option is standing there stranded, or taking my feet out of my shoes. This means stepping in the mud, stocking-footed and really getting messy. And who knows if I will free myself of the mud or if I will just be stuck again with the next step? Then what? So I stood there in the mud, afraid to move one way or the other, not really content, in fact, not content at all, but unwilling to see how the mud would feel if only protected by a sock.
What if this is really as good as it gets? What if my feeble attempts to see growth and accomplishment is not going to happen? What if I fall on my face, smack-dab in the mud and make things even worse?
This feeling is not just my own. many people with ADHD have a rapid period of growth followed by some discouraging moments. It’s not about that. It’s about how to get out of the mud once you’re in there.
Am I really stuck or do I need to remember that seeds grow in their own time. Every plant has its own pace, its own calendar. Maybe the seeds will start to sprout. Maybe they already have, but I’m too concerned about my muddy shoes.
Plants do grow in dirt. And plants do require water, which does equal mud. What if 2022 was a year that was needed to get some strong, hefty, long-lasting plants going?
Either way, I picture my Heavenly Father looking down at me, ready to give me a strong helping hand to get out of the mud. He’s been standing there all along, just waiting for me to look up and say, “help!”.
Yes, we do get stuck sometimes, but it’s up to us to decide how long to stay in the mud. If you’re reading this, it means I’ve made that step.
muddy shoes and all,
Elaine