Waiting for the other shoe to drop

I was having a conversation recently, and a phrase I have often heard came up. I knew its meaning, but had never thought of its origin. So, being the curious person I am, I looked it up.

“I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop” refers to the sound that a shoe makes when it is taken off and dropped onto the floor, followed by the sound of the second shoe.

This phrase is said to have originated in New York City, the site of many multi-level apartment buildings. Imagine it being late at night. The upstairs neighbor comes home and removes his shoe, which makes a loud clunking noise. Knowing there are two shoes, you anticipate the sound of the second shoe.

Whether or not shoe number 2 makes a noise that night, you expect to hear it. You wait. You don’t quite relax for a minute, because you are “waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

To await a seemingly inevitable event, especially one that is not desirable.

dictionary definition of “waiting for the other shoe to drop”

Ok, that makes sense. I have never lived in an apartment, let alone a multi-level apartment in New York City, but I can imagine this happening. Lower level occupant hears a loud thud. Wait for it, the second thud is coming. Why is the neighbor so loud? Can’t he wear softer shoes, or take them off more carefully?

You are now the proud owner of a conditioned response, which lasts long after the new neighbor, who wears much softer shoes and rarely comes home late, moves in above you. The anticipation that every loud noise will be followed by another has become an assumption. You don’t think about it or try to assume it, but you can’t stop expecting it.

This hits way too close to home. I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop in my life. The negativity that has taken up housing in my brain has caused this habitual tendency to fear what is going to happen next. If really good things happen for any period of time at all, I start to brace myself for what must be lurking around the corner. Surely this can’t last. This mountaintop experience will be followed by the downward trajectory toward the valley, which is a really big place compared to the mountain peak. And it took a lot of work to reach the top! Can’t I just camp out here?

How does that translate into my every day life?
I’m afraid to be happy.
I’m afraid to get my hopes up.
I’m afraid to relax and fully enjoy the sunshine in anticipation of the rain.

Well, that’s dumb. I can see being afraid of sadness or sickness or spiders or snakes, but Happy? He’s the cool dwarf. Let’s see…. (ADHD brain field trip- grumpy, dopey, doc, sleepy, bashful and sneezy. I had to look it up.)

It was a lightbulb moment when I realized it. Because I have the tendency to overthink and over-analyze, this tendency to anticipate dark times is magnified. It’s hard for me to simply embrace the happy times when the sad times are looming in the background. I have come to the conclusion that every good thing in my life is followed by a bad thing. Boom. The other shoe drops.

The problem is, there is some truth in that theory. Life is a series of ups and downs. What goes up must come down. Happiness will surely be followed by sadness or disappointment. Vacation is followed by back to work. Summer will turn to Fall, and then Winter. The long days of summer are followed by early evening darkness.

How can I protect myself from the down part without losing the joy of the up part? I wish I could be more like my grandma. She seemed to have such an low wave pattern. Happy was more like contentment, but sadness was more like mild disappointment. That’s just not my wave pattern. When I see a flower or a fluffy white cloud, or a baby cow (they are super cute), I feel glorious. Sometimes I just close my eyes and breathe in the air around me and think about how great God is to create such beauty. I am not just content, I am amazed. I am keenly aware of the sound of the birds and the rustle of the wind. I want to stay in that frame of mind forever. It comes unexpectedly, that feeling of wonder.

Fastforward-

I might feel that way for an hour, or most of the day, or 10 minutes. Then the other side of the mountain. Shucks. That was fun while it lasted. How can I go from that kind of happy to another kind of sad without probable cause? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe I need to change my wave pattern. Maybe I’ll just try to be more like grandma. Tone it down, girl. Chill out. Stop being so emotional. Stop being so sensitive.
Quit being so dramatic.

Well, that just isn’t the way it works. I was not born with a soft wave. I was born with a choppy wave pattern, one that has variable winds from the east and the west. It does make for an interesting ride. It makes for some really melancholy moments followed by deep inspirational moments, like right now as I write this. I can express myself best during those downturns in emotion, but the act of writing or creating lifts some of that melancholy. Many musicians, writers or artists will attest to doing their best work when they are in the valley.

So, what to do?

Understand who you are. Everyone is born with their own wave pattern, and don’t try to change yours. It is better to manage how to handle your waves. People are not weak because they feel emotions deeply. People are not strong because they are less emotional.
Isn’t it great that we are all unique? I love having friends who can feel deeply, but I also need friends that help me to see their calmness. If you are like me, you will find that the same deep wave that dips down and makes you feel sad will splash up and make you feel happy. Breathe in deeply and oxygenate. Fill up your lungs and replenish your spirit. Know that the mountaintop experience doesn’t last forever, but it is in the valleys and the slopes beside the mountain tops that we will grow and and be nourished.

And remember, if you are feeling down, in the same way that UP will come down, your DOWN will come up again. Don’t be discouraged. Don’t let fear of the other shoe dropping keep you from enjoying your favorite shoe.

I really do love shoes,

Elaine

P.S. If your life is too wavy, to the point that your ship is sinking, don’t try to ride it out on your own. Waves are okay, but they should not be so fierce that they overwhelm you. I have learned when I am okay, and when I need extra help and support. I also do not sail by myself. I need other people, and I need God. So please reach out when you need to, and don’t think you have to go it alone. “Never worry Alone” – Dr. Ned Hallowell