As I sit here tonight, the events of the last year flood my mind. Covid was rearing it’s ugly head. Our world felt strange and surreal. As a person who struggles with anxiety, it became even more vital to trust that God was in control. I noticed myself being less interested in going into public places. I wanted to be with the people I love, and I missed normal interaction, but at the same time I was avoiding going to the store for groceries. I didn’t crave the same social activity level that I was used to. I could see myself becoming more isolated. I could see myself going in the wrong direction. This had to stop.
Isolation can breed isolation.
And isolation is an enemy to our heart and soul.
My first response to feeling scared, hurt, or disappointed is to lock myself away. This does not serve me well, but is my initial, go-to reaction. It is protective in nature, because hurt usually involves interaction with others. If I don’t engage with anyone, I will not get hurt.
Wrong.
No matter how logical this may seem, hiding away only serves to intensify my feelings. I am left to pout and fret without the perspective that my personal community of friends and family will lend me. I can feel hopeless and helpless. I need someone to throw me a lifeline, but unless my friend knows I’m sinking, they are left powerless to help.
Do you find yourself shrinking back during times of stress? Do you feel as if you don’t want to bother anyone because you don’t feel worthy of their time? Are you afraid that you will appear incompetent, weak, or less spiritual?
I know I do. I compare myself to others who seem to “have their crap together” and wonder why I can’t seem to. I don’t want to be that person who complains all of the time, or comes across as a “Debbie Downer”.
The deepest part is that feeling of vulnerability. It is not my comfort zone. Why should I leave my safe little cave if I rather enjoy living there?
God did not create us to be alone. He even recognized at the beginning of time that Adam needed Eve. Adam could talk to God and he had all of those creatures around him, but he was lonely. He needed another human being to commune with.
I need that too. And you do too, my friend. Maybe reaching out is not easy for you. It takes practice, and it takes courage. You have to be intentional about it.
I pray that you will take a step in the direction of connection.
We need each other, don’t hide away.
Elaine